If you have decided to end your marriage, you’ll need to inform your spouse – that’s if you haven’t already reached this conclusion together. There is no one right way to do this, and no guarantee it will be easy or go well.
There are, however, things you can consider that will improve the chances that it does go as well as you can expect. Here are a few of them.
1. Consider safety
In some marriages, breaking the news carries a real threat of physical harm. If your spouse is violent toward you, then it’s likely safest to tell them from a distance. If, on the other hand, their mental state is such that you fear they might harm themselves after you break the news, you should consider how to reduce this risk – for example, ensuring they have family around to support them.
You also shouldn’t do it when one of you is engaged in an activity where a lapse of concentration could be catastrophic, such as driving.
2. Consider financial timing
Once you tell your spouse you want a divorce, they might file the petition before you intended to. When you file can have big financial implications in some circumstances. For instance, if one of you is about to get an income boost, that may or may not need to be shared, depending on the date of the divorce. It could also affect your ability to file taxes as a couple for the past year.
Getting a divorce also has its own financial costs. That’s why some people hold off until they are in a better financial situation to be able to cover the cost of this and separate accommodation more easily.
3. Consider what you will say and do
Give some thought to exactly what you will say and what you will do next. You need to choose words that make it unequivocal that this is the end and that you’re not going to give it “one last chance.”
Many people prearrange to stay with friends after they break the news. This lets them avoid having to endure an uncomfortable atmosphere at home and to give their spouse time for it to sink in.
It can be wise to get legal guidance early to find out more about how the divorce process works first to better prepare you for the next steps.
