For children, change is not easy. This is true in many areas of their lives, but it often really comes to the forefront during a divorce. The change is rampant. They may need to:

  • Move out of their neighborhood
  • Go to a new school
  • Make new friends
  • Live in two different homes
  • Split up the holidays

It’s not just the change of their parents no longer being romantically involved. The trouble for them is that they face all of these sudden changes, and they don’t know how to deal with it.

That’s why some parents turn to a tactic called bird-nesting. It severely limits change by allowing the children to stay in their own rooms, at the same house, all the time. They don’t have to move, they don’t have to go back and forth between houses and they don’t have to change schools.

What does change is the time each parent gets to spend with them. Since the kids stay, the parents move in and out. And they will notice that. It’s one parent or the other. However, when that’s the only change they have to deal with, it may be easier on them as they adjust.

Some parents do reject this idea because it’s hard for them. They want more of a divide. They need space, and they don’t want to see each other that often. And that’s fine, as well. All families need to do what is right for them. But it’s important to consider your goals and think carefully about all of the options you have during a divorce.